Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
