Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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