Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
