Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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