I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
whose parrot is this?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
