guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize