Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
