listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
