She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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