Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
