Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
