FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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