the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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