Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
