well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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