we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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