I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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