If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
