I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
