Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
