4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize