Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
