3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
