By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
