Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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