apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
