I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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