she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
