we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
