I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
