I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
