My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
