I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
