we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
