and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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