Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
