Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
