did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Randomize
