Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
