census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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