Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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