so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize