the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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