Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was like eating out sand paper
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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