You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
