Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
