So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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