Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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