Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
