I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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