Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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