just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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