I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
