I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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