he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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