Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
