Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
