Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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