I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
