Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
