What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
