i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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