I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
