Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
