Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
