i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
