And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
