My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
