Sry I called you an 8
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
